Do I really want to go to Tokyo?

The Comfort Zone
Tokushima City has been my comfort zone. It is a country side located at the Shikoku region and I am located at the capital city of the prefecture. Not too far from work, hospital, clinic, supermarkets, and business establishments, I could say it is just the right place for me. On top of that, the folks are so kind, warm and friendly! I feel like I already belong here. Feels like home.

The Trigger
Lately, I am no longer happy. In fact,  since the past year or two. I am happy outside work. Life is simple. But the stress that I endure at work could not be easily relieved by the life I look forward to after work. For the past couple of months, the management has gone worse with us the front liners and the end users suffering its negative effect. I am no longer happy with my co-workers as well. With the yearly movements of staff in and out of our facility, everything has totally changed! It became worse. I actually attempted to quit but I was not too firm with my decision that’s why I’m still here. Besides, it was an abrupt decision out of a strong emotion. So I set all the emotion and commotion aside with one thing on my mind: I will someday set myself free from this wild and wicked working environment.
The Opportunity

Last year, I promised myself I will look for better opportunities. In Canada or US maybe. But as days, months passed by I tend to be not confident with my plans because of the global economy and the immigration possibilities in those countries. I was just trying to be practical. After all, I am already happy in Japan.

A branch facility opened in Tokyo around two years ago. At that time, I was already unhappy here but can still work things out because some of the tenured staff are still left in our facility. When they got transferred, things have enormously changed which pushed me further to look for better opportunities. I told myself that if I pass the kokka shiken I will go to Tokyo. Being a practical person, I considered, number one the expenses required to move and  the cost of living. I was immediately discouraged. I scrapped it all off.
The Second Calling
Around last quarter of 2015、I felt like quitting, again. So it really seems that I am no longer happy here. I miss my mother everyday. I was just holding on to my dream of bringing my mother here and travel around Japan together before I finally end this chapter of my life here in Japan.
Until my friends accomplished their national exams, talks of quitting and moving to another company have flourished. I found out that one friend wants to move to Tokyo. I felt encouraged and a sigh of relief if ever we will both move there soon. Tokyo has a lot of opportunities to offer to me. I have no idea where my destiny will lead me to but there’s this force, an energy that drags me to go there and try it.
Introspection
Every moment of the day, there was never a time where “Tokyo” slipped my mind. And so I started asking myself. “Do I really want to go to Tokyo?  I have heard and read different facts and opinions about Tokyo. They say that it is very expensive to live in Tokyo. Housing and commodities are literally expensive. The apartment I am currently renting only costs ¥28,000 with free internet access and unlimited water supply. My current location is strategic and fairly convenient with hospitals, supermarkets, convenience stores, bus stops, and work location within the 500 meter circumference. The folks around are friendly and polite. Some of them are even helpful. The Church community is warm and a family to me.  And there is Nakamura Family who is very dear to me. I will lose all of these when I move to Tokyo. So “Do I really want to go there?”
In Tokyo I will not have a guarantee that I will find as friendly folks as those who are in Tokushima. No more Nakamura Family who will make me feel that I have a family here in Japan. I will need to wake up earlier and arrive a little later than the usual preparation time to and from work. I will have to deal with earthquakes every now and then. Plan with a tighter budget. No relatives nor friends. All of these things in mind, “Am I sure that I want to go to Tokyo?”
I had to think and decide objectively. My heart says go but my mind says be practical. But my heart is already tired and eventually it will affect my mind. I really have to go. I have to make sure that my decision is not because of hate nor sadness. Neither because I am trying to escape from something. It has to be a real decision. Fear is everywhere. It will not stop. It will not disappear and I have to face it.  And so I thought of God. His presence cleared my mind and gave me strength and courage. “I think I really want to go to Tokyo.”
Apparently, I wanted to grow. I wanted a new environment with a wider scope of opportunities. Four years of life in Tokushima taught me so many things that have significantly affected me as a person.  Some have helped me become a better person. Some have brought out the worst in me, especially at work. Now, I am struggling to bring back who I was (at work). When I listen to Mr. Children’s ‘終わり無き旅’, I feel encouraged to take the challenge of leaving my comfort zone. I want to explore further.
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At Roppongi December 2014

I can hear my heart and the voice of God is the beating of my heart. It is telling me that I am now ready to open a new chapter of my life. And that I have to close the current one with a smile. “…yes I will move to Tokyo sooner or later.”

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