Letting Go…Again (December 18, 2011)
Co-trainees, we’re exactly down to our last month together. As I look back to the last 8 months of our lives together, tears fall down my eyes. We were like babies inside a mother’s womb, nourished and taken cared of. For after 9 months, we will be on our own.
My year 2011 started with this and ends with this. I clearly recall the first business day of the year – January 3, 2011 I was falling in line at the POEA just trying my luck with this last chance of my life yet not so very hopeful. Came March, I knew I got matched. April 2011 when we first encountered each other. 3 months seemed so long that time yet so short for a fun-filled learning experience for us. How much more with 6 months in Japan? This year has totally rocked and changed my world. A lot of things have happened and these things have significantly impacted my life – EPA, my father’s passing away, and going to a far away place to try my luck.
Next month I’m gonna have to unchain my heart that’s holding on to us being together. I just don’t know yet how to start to live my life alone. Yes, some of us may still be with some of our co-trainees. But it is still going to be a different life. We’re going to be on our own. So many changes have happened and there’s a lot more on our way.
When we go to our respective workplaces, the things that we got used to won’t be there anymore. And there’s no adjustment period before we start to work.
I’m gonna have to prepare my own food and clean my own room. I’m gonna start to pay my own bills and tax. I’m gonna have to double my resourcefulness in looking for answers for my assignments and quizzes for again I will be on my own.
Our senseis won’t be there anymore to listen to our complains compassionately, laugh with us whenever we have fun, and patiently answer our questions anytime whenever they are available. Yes we’re gonna have new senseis, but I’m not sure if they will be as nice as our Nihongo senseis and as handsome as our kaigo senseis.
There’s no more Tanaka san, Ito san, Iwa Moto san who would help and assist whenever I am sick or need to see a doctor, whenever I need to process some legal matters, and when I want to order something from Nissen catalog. I need to be extra careful with my actions, manners and gestures because they’re no longer there to call my attention. Most especially they’re no longer there to listen to my problem.
And where do I go to when I want to have laugh trips with classmates who are so dear and crazy…so crazy that I could laugh out loud until I feel so good? I hope I could rely on to Eze to be that person for me at least.
The first few months is certainly going to be very tough. So tough that I might find myself on the verge of quitting again. But because I chose this, I have to endure everything for the sake of my family and for the sake of keeping a promise to our senseis. Although sooner or later we’ll get used to our new lives and we’ll find new friends, I will still miss you. And even if I find new friends, I won’t forget you.
Should you ever find me alone, please don’t mind me. I’m just starting to learn the art of letting go. This is also one way of bidding goodbye to 2011. Because my 2011 is filled with you. Even if you don’t miss me, I sure am gonna miss you. Even if you don’t check on me, I’ll still ask “how are you?” Because 9 months worth of memories isn’t so easy to forget and let go.
Thank you so much for everything. Y’all made me happy and sad. Yes, there was a portion of this experience when I got sad but I don’t regret it because it’s normally part of life and I learned a lot from it. And again thank you for making the whole experience complete with laughter and tears, ups and downs, challenges and triumphs, and most of all FRIENDSHIP.
I wish each and everyone of us a shining 2012 ahead. Good luck to all of us and may we all succeed in our endeavors.